ERCTV will be available to everyone in East Renfrewshire on Freeview channel 26.

The channel will be on air from 7am to midday daily, promising a mix of news, features, live and interactive formats.

In order to make good use of council resources, ERC members and staff will be hosting the programmes.

The day will kick off with a 30 minute exercise workout, under the direction of Health Guru Alan Lafferty. Cllr Lafferty said "Something cut and pasted from an NHS website about exercise".

Woman's Hour will follow, hosted by ladies favourite, Cllr Vincent Waters. The show will follow Vincent as he tours ER, helping his followers with potholes and lightbulb issues, and "Money is Not an Issue!" features a fantastic makeover of a council house in Balgonie Avenue, bringing Paris-style to Woodfarm.

Daily News bulletins will be handled by The Extra's Gregor Hollerin, who will be introducing a novel approach to reporting. Extra News will feature "tomorrow's news, today", in association with Jim Fletcher.

ERC's glamour girl, Cllr Mary Montague will bring sunshine to every home with the Weather. Young Mary will be brightening up the whole of ER, as she forecasts the weather in front of children, schools, sports facilities, anything being opened. "It's always sunny in Stamperland" says Mary. Viewers are advised that Mary's show may involve flash photography.

ERC funnyman Jim Sneddon said it was a "hugely exciting" opportunity. "If residents want to know how great it is to live in East Renfrewshire, they should just stick to this channel, and not watch any of the rest. We will also be providing guidance on how to vote in upcoming elections, and a guide to crafting constitutions. Anyone who doesn't watch ERCTV will have their TV License revoked."

ERCTV will begin broadcasting on the 1st of April next year.

I heard there is also a DIY show hosted by the Provost and the first episode is about blown fuses.

East Renfrewshire's very own Ant and Dec will also feature in prime TV slots.

Some CC members have been told by ER officials they must go on Big Brother so that ER can keep the cameras on them 24/7.

"Provost Carmichael will be demonstrating his handyman skills in "How To Fix Things", where he will get things done HIS way, because HE'S the boss. This week he will be contructing a container to hold hot beverages out of non-traditional materials. Look out for his Prison Break Special later in the year."

Can I apply for the position of foreign correspondent responsible for reporting from the isolation wards?

Forgot to say I'm available from 26th. April 2014!

If you don't get this, ask a Clarkston, Thorniliebank or Newton Mearns CCllr.

ERCTV doesn't seem to have started yet, but I hear East Ren is featuring on the new series on Ch4, "How To Get A Council House", on Monday nights at 9pm. For some reason, the East Ren version is being shown at a later time, well after the watershed, with parental warnings regarding adult content before it...not sure why.....